Are You Okay?
*may be triggering*
Are you okay? Are you really okay?
Not just today, most days? Is there someone that’s bugging you or does it feel like your life is falling apart?
Honestly, a few years ago, I thought I’d just give up. I’d walk to work in the mornings, wishing I’d be hit by a car and I’d die. I’d lost what I thought was ‘everything’ and I just couldn'tt deal with the anxiety and depression anymore.
No amount of healthy eating, exercise or surrounding myself with friends helped.
No amount of praying and crying helped.
The anti-psychotic meds I’d been put on didn’t help, they only drugged me.
No amount of writing in my journal or pretending helped.
No amount of begging for my old life helped.
No amount of positive thinking helped.
No amount of going out to ‘clear my head’ helped.
UNTIL, I ASKED FOR HELP.
My mother called from 10 000kms away and I broke down and said I wasn’t going to survive much longer in my situation. She begged me to get on a plane and come to live with my family again.
Nope, Stef refused because I was happy being miserable. I was so stuck in that misery I couldn’t help myself out.
Because I’d spoken up, my mother eventually said that if I didn’t get on a plane and come to the UK, she’d come and physically get me.
I want to cry right now just thinking about that. The moment she said that, I knew I’d be okay. I wanted her to come and get me. I wanted her to literally carry me onto the airplane, because I didn’t think I was strong enough to say goodbye to my old life.
I didn’t believe that I’d survive.
But I did.
And you know what, I’m sitting here in a coffee shop, by myself, eternally grateful that I asked for help and my mum took action.
So, during the course of R U OK Day and from now on, make sure you ask for help and if you can, make sure you’re willing to give it.
You never know who you may save.